I used to dream of what I’d be like when I was a mom. I played with dolls until right before my teens with elaborate scenarios that I sometimes I enrolled my brother in (he would grudgingly play the family dog) that emulated my home life -i.e stay at home mom, working dad etc. Yet, as I grew older my mindset had shifted to one of a career. I still wanted a family but was happy to create that around my job. Little did I know that Night Weaning my toddler would almost break me!
Before I had my first son (10 years into my career path), I began to research all things parenting (didn’t we all?). I dove into all things natural like essential oils and cloth diapering. One thing I also focused on was homeschooling/un-schooling/wild-schooling. This concept was incredibly enlightening to me and all I could see was a life of teaching my soon to be child and possible future children the way of the world without the restrictions of traditional schooling that I had personally found failed me (but that’s a different story). Following his lead on what interested him (all things sea creatures at the moment) and creating an atmosphere to love learning and the journey. I focused on an exit strategy to my corporate job so that I could stay at home, be the Pinterest mom (newsflash- I’m very much an Amazon Prime mom) and become the epitome of my mom just new age.
Here’s the thing, the thing that took me almost 5 years to admit to myself. I am not that mom. (I will pause here to say I have absolute respect for everyone’s personal journey and path. This is just mine.) What I discovered about myself is I love the challenge of my job, I love learning and expanding and for me, personally, I was very energized in my career. I could not, but more importantly did not want, to stop my career to home school or be a mom that home made decorations for parties and all the things that I can pay for or get help from friends for etc.
I confess, that there were (and still are) many a morning that I am happy to escape the chaos of a screaming toddler and a breakdown of a preschooler. I am not the mom that wants to be home all day, I don’t, and it’s taken me 5 years to say it honestly and be OK with. I am OK that I enjoy going to work, I am OK that my kids drive me crazy and sometimes when I come home I just need ME time.
I love my children, I thoroughly am enjoying watching them grow and seeing all they are interested in, the glitter projects currently (thanks YouTube…). I love our family time and I love my career. I confess to being happy with my current situation and proud of my accomplishments.